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Jun 25, 2023

More things that make you go ‘hmmm’

By ohtadmin | on August 31, 2023 I was looking back through some old columns I’d written, beside myself that it’s been 15 years since I started in this role with the View Newspapers, when I came

By ohtadmin | on August 31, 2023

I was looking back through some old columns I’d written, beside myself that it’s been 15 years since I started in this role with the View Newspapers, when I came across an unfinished piece of work.

Back in 2011 Anita, my better half, gave me a list of 50 questions called “Questions that Haunt Me” – a series of silly queries you can’t really answer.

All those years ago I took a shot at answering 10 of these zingers with my usual sarcasm and at the end promised to “share more some other time.”

So, I looked up the list of questions again on Google and decided to take another shot at 10 more questions.

Here it goes:

“Why does a round pizza come in a square box?” My first thought on this was the person who tries to fit a round peg in a square hole – you know, the misfit; an unusual individualist who could not fit into a niche of their society. Maybe the first person to ever box up a pizza was just trying to be a rebel and show the rest of the world they weren’t a conformist. Of course, it is simpler, cheaper and easier to make a square box than a round one – that may have something to do with it, also.

“Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?” Actually, due to inflation, it’s 25 cents these days. If there’s anything ‘extra’ it goes to the government.

“Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?” If this is true I hope I’m wearing a comfortable pair of flannel pajama pants and a worn out T-shirt from 15 years ago – you know the ones, stretched out and coming apart at the seams because it’s been washed a million times? That’s my idea of resting in peace.

“What disease did cured ham actually have?” Just a guess but how about “swine flu?”

“If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?” Well, that’s a no-brainer. He actually can but has decided he’d rather remain stuck on the island with Mary Ann and Ginger.

“If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?” I’m not sure I’m answering this one. I might end up with a picket line in front of my house.

“Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?” We cling to the hope the remote control has just enough juice left in it to change one more channel. By pressing harder we are transferring our own energy into the device to squeeze that last spark of energy out of the battery. The same concept works with the toothpaste tube.

“Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?” I think it has more to do with going back and re-evaluating your options. Those leftovers didn’t sound so good the first time you saw them there but come back 2-3 hours later and you’re still hungry, they might not sound so bad.

“Why is it no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?” Because the bag knows it’s on my last nerve and if it won’t open I will resort to ripping it apart to get to what’s inside. Then, I’m forced to repackage it. This happens often with food in our household.

There were others, but I will perhaps leave them for later…maybe in another 12 years or so. Who knows?

Gary Gould is the managing editor of the Genesee County View. Contact him at [email protected].